Nathan

We saw the specialist yesterday. Nathan has what is called glue ear, which is basically a build up of gunk behind his eardrums. He needs surgery to remove it or he will keep getting ear infections. He will then get tubes to support proper airflow so it will heal. The entire procedure takes about 10 minutes, but we will be there several hours b4 and after. They will give him medicine to take by mouth that will make him extremely drowsy, and will probably fall asleep. Then they will take him back and use gas to ensure he stays out. After the surgery he will go to recovery and wait for him to wake up. I will not be allowed to be with him. They wouldn't even make exceptions for Jacob when he had tubes put it last year. Once he wakes up, they will bring him back to his room and monitor him for at least an hour to be sure there are no reactions to the anesthesia. Once he is fully awake and at least drinking, he will be released. He should be back to his normal self within a day. I've been so worried about how he's been getting so many ear infections, I'm glad I asked our doctor to send him to an E.N.T. Apparently ear problems can be genetic, and I have always had them. I have a really bad ear infection right now. That is why I haven't been on the computer so much lately. I'm in alot of pain, and I keep getting dizzy. Mike's been taking care of the boys since Monday night when I first started getting bad. I almost passed out last night when I bent over to pick something up. I don't have medicaid right now, so I can't get an antibiotic. Please pray this heals up quickly on its own.

Well, up until last night my back was still feeling pretty good. I was being so xtra careful this whole week not to do anything to pull it out. But then I woke up this morning, and it was hurting. I don't know what I did, maybe I slept wrong or something. I had to wake Mike up and have him get Jacob on the bus for me. That was hard for him, bc he saw a midnight movie last night in Lansing with a friend, so he didn't get to bed til really early this morning. So, he hasn't gotten much sleep. I'm afraid I'm going to need him to do alot more for me tonight, bc I am really hurting again. I was starting to think that maybe I was healing. Now I just wonder if I will always be like this.
The party was fun. We had sloppy joes, listened to music, and played Balderdash. It was really nice to be with the old gang, and even nicer to know the old gang must still be interested in hanging out with me!

I'm feeling better today, so far. I saw the chiropractor yesterday, and I've been taking it xtra easy since then. So far I've only carried Nathan from his crib to his changing table, then to the highchair and back to his crib. It doesn't require bending over much to do that. I had Mike get Jacob up and ready for school this morning. I still feel good, but kinda tense. I'm gonna try xtra hard to not do anything, so my back will stay set and heal so I can get back to normal. Please pray everything stays where it should.

I'm going to a party tomorrow night for an old friend from highschool. He got a job in Ann Arbor and is moving there, so we are celebrating his new job and wishing him well. This is more of a family that I'm acquaintances with rather than the one guy. I haven't been very involved with them in many years, and haven't ever been invited anywhere with them. My sisters do things with them all the time, and even though I only live ten minutes away from them, I was never invited. I was shocked when they called me up and asked me to come! I wonder why all of a sudden they want me to join them? It makes me just a little suspicious, but it feels great to know they haven't forgotten about me. Mike's and my close friends go to church with them, and are friends with them. They hang out with them often, so maybe the family decided to invite me along bc of my close friend. Who knows? I just hope I have fun. Mom will be watching the boys so we can go. It is always a blessing to get a night away from the kids and be around just adults!

Birthdays

Today 2 of my cousins are having their birthday parties together. One is turning 12, and the other 14. My how time flies, I was there when they were born! I feel old! Anyways, Mike and I are talking about doing something in Lansing today, since we have to go there for the party anyway. We just haven't decided yet what to do!
I had a nice time yesterday. I went out and saw How to Train Your Dragon, a very cute movie but had some intense scenes for very young kids. Then I went to the local chinese buffet (my favorite cuisine!) and had dinner. Then Mom and Dad invited me to their place to watch Old Dogs that they had rented. We had pizza during the movie. It was also a cute movie, but had some corny acting here and there. I don't remember any scenes that were inappropriate, I would say it's safe to watch with kids around. After that, I went and did some shopping. It was a very relaxing time, I really needed it.

Away

I need a day away. Mike is off today, and I would love to get out by myself. I was hoping to hook up with a friend, the only one that lives close enough to me to travel to. Which is still half hour away! But, I haven't heard back from her. I need to get some shopping done, two of my cousins are having their bday parties together tomorrow. I need to buy them cards. Maybe I could just go do that, then head to Biggby for coffee. I wish I could do something enjoyable, but I never have "my own" spending money. I like to save it, but I never get any to save for days like these.

Sigh

I think this is a fitting title for my blog today. I've been sighing all day, from being tired, in pain, ready for Nathan to sleep, when he wakes up from the shortest nap ever which meant I had to carry him downstairs to get Jake off the bus, and then back up. The only good sigh I had today was when I realized Mike hadn't eaten all the leftover pizza! BTW, Digiorno pizza is good fresh, but not rewarmed. That was another sigh, when I realized that. Mike works late again tonight, which means I again have to get the boys ready for bed. I gave them their baths last night, so tonight will be easier on me. I must sound like the most laziest (sp?) worst mom ever. I complain about having to do things that every Mom must do on a daily basis, even single Moms who work fulltime, sometimes two jobs. I wish I didnt have so many back issues, so I could be a competent mother to my boys. I used to have to work fulltime when Jacob was younger. In fact, for awhile I worked three jobs. One was part time, the others were about 30 hours a week. I got up at 5, went to one job. Then I would turn around and head to my other job. And at the end of the day, I would come home, make dinner for Mike before he went to his part time over night job, pack his lunch for him, and stay up most of the night with Jake. You may not know, but for a long time Jacob only slept at the most 5 hours at a time, and then would be up for about 18 hrs. I'm seriously not kidding you. And for the most part he was healthy and full of energy all the time. And guess when he slept those 5 hrs or so.... That's right, during the day when I was gone. Sigh, again. We were in Florida, so there was no one to help me out, no support, no nothing. It was like that for almost three years of Jacob's life. Then we moved to MI, and all of a sudden I got all the sleep I needed! EVERYONE wanted to be with Jacob, no matter what time of day or night it was. I wish Mike's family had wanted that kind of time and relationship with him. Jacob needed more relationships than with me and Mike. His family just didn't seem interested. I'm glad I had Nathan here, bc now he not only has both his parents, but he has Grandparents, Aunts and cousins who take an active role in his life and Jacob's.

Well, I was suppose to go in to Lansing today to see my Chiropractor. But he called in sick today, so I am still in pain. The more often I get adjusted, the better my back can heal. I have a new appointment for Monday morning, but that seems so far away. I'm glad Mike only works in the morning/afternoon today. He will be home soon to help out. Jacob decided to take a nosedive into Nathan's gate today, and bruised up his nose pretty bad. I, of course, had to come to his rescue and pick him up out of the gate. Now I am really hurting. The boys are being pretty well behaved and quiet right now. They are watching The Wonderful Wizard of Has by VeggieTales. I love VTs bc it teaches good Christian values, and the kids love it! I don't know how much of it Jacob understands, but he sure does love it when Larry falls over!
My day has been fairly productive, I got a load of dishes done! Believe me, for me that is alot right now. I have to bend over so many times to unload the dishwasher, then stand there and make sure everything is rinsed, then bend over to load them all into the dishwasher and put soap in. By the time I'm done, I'm ready for some Motrin and the bed! I'm tired of being in pain.

Spring Break

School has started up for Jacob again. Spring Break was hard for me, and for Jacob. He needs stimulation every day, both physical and mental. I just can't give him the amount of stimulation he needs. So he ends up getting very anxious, and starts stimming (flapping his hands up and down, hitting his face or ears, jumping up and down over and over and over again, humming loudly.) It is hard on him, but as much so on me bc I have to deal with it. And, I also have to deal with a 1 yr. old who is now walking EVERYWHERE! I do what I can with Jake, sing songs with him and dance (as much as I can, my dancing must involve me sitting down) having him play with different toys that have different textures or purposes, read a book with him although he prefers to just look at the pages. I make him stop at each page and point out the different things to him, like the animals, the people, the trees, the buildings. Make him think about what he is looking at. Then I'll ask him to point to the objects in the book I know he can identify, that forces him to seek out and find. I play catch with him, even though its more like throw and bounce away. At Chuck E. Cheese the other night, we had enough tickets to get Jacob these foam blocks that you can mold into shapes. We haven't had a chance to open them up yet, but he never put the box down that night after we bought it! I know he will have fun. Most of what I do with Jake, I have to do sitting down, which makes it more difficult to accomplish the task. Jake needs to move alot, and I can't. I'm glad school is back up, bc he will get the stimulation he needs and he is now back to the schedule he is used to. I dread Summer. He will have Summer school, but last year it was only 2 days a week. I don't know how it will be this year, but he needs more than that. I fear I am going to go completely bonkers this Summer.

Fun?

Ok, Mike has a short day today, so we're going to take the boys to Chuck E. Cheese. Jacob loves it there, and we've still got tokens left over from last time we went there. It should be fun, as long as Nathan doesn't get cranky. He does that alot when we go out.

Bad day

Alright, something is definitely wrong with me. I am just losing it today. I have times where Jacob is happy and laughing, and I get so much joy from it. And then it's like someone turns a switch on me, and I am in a bad mood. Jacob won't stop laughing, and he's loud. Nathan wont stop crying, the house is a mess bc I can't do any housework. My pelvic bone is twisted, and I'm suppose to be letting it heal. Any time I do something, it starts hurting. But then I look around and see the pile of dirty laundry, all the dirty dishes (which is amazing bc we've been ordering in alot lately!) the floor needs to be vacuumed. I get depressed knowing I'm being a bad housewife for not doing the chores, but knowing that I can't do it without hurting myself. My dr told me if I don't take care of myself, I could be disabled in a year. Pretty scary stuff. Yes, Mike was sympathetic at first, took over cooking and watching the kids when he wasn't working. But now I feel like he is getting irritated at having to do it. He won't say it, but its in his attitude. And, it makes me feel worse knowing he is bitter at having to do this, but knowing I can't do it so he has to. When he is at work, I have a hard time moving the kids around, so I've found its easier on me putting the gate up across their bedroom door and making them stay in there and play. I bring them out to eat, and go in there for diaper changes, and I even spend time in there on Jake's bed to watch them play and let them know I haven't left them. But then, while I'm sitting out in the living room, with nothing to do (I don't watch much tv, and the internet only provides so much entertainment) I start feeling like a bad Mom for leaving my kids cooped up all day. I mean, they can roam their room and play with their toys, but they are used to coming and going from their room and the living room and finding me when they want me. I feel as if I'm hurting them somehow. It makes me feel horrible, but there is nothing I can do about it. If I endure the pain and let them roam and chase after them, in a year I might be in a wheelchair and will have no choice but to make them do that all the time. How am I suppose to function when I feel this way?

OK, so I managed to make my first post. No idea if anyone is reading it or not, but it felt good to get it out. Oddly, this feels different than a diary. At least I know I can't lose it as easily! It helped make me feel a bit better yesterday, getting some thoughts out. I think I need to do it again. I'm going nuts today. Neither kids are being very well behaved today, and I feel like I'm going out of my skin. I've heard that alot of parents of Autistic children deal with depression, but I always thought I was above that bc I don't have "issues" with my child having "a severe life-long disability." But, I do sit back sometimes and think about how I will probably always be taking care of Jacob, no matter how old he is, or I am. The problem is, I'm already tired of dealing with things. I can't wait for both kids to be out of diapers, but Jake may never be fully pottytrained. I can't wait for both kids to feed themselves, but Jake is to picky to eat almost anything. I can't wait for them to watch themselves in the morning so I can sleep in, but Jake still climbs in bed with us in the middle of the night. I can't wait for them to clean and bathe and dress themselves, but I have to hold Jake down just to brush his teeth. You see what I mean?

My Beginnings- Never done this

OK, so I know alot of people that have a blog. I always thought it was nice that they had an outlet for their thoughts and feelings, even if no one was listening! I never considered having one myself until today. I was reading a book about how a Mom "Survived" Autism. Her son is autistic, and one of her many advices was to start a blog. I thought, "What a good idea!" So, here goes!

My oldest son, Jacob, is Autistic. He is 5 years old, loving, smart, and doesn't talk. He does sing! He doesn't like most regular food, he is a picky eater. Most people don't get that. They say, "Oh, let him go hungry. He'll learn to eat his food." Not so! I usually agree with that methodology, but with Jacob it doesn't work. He will go hours without food, and then not understand the hunger pain and why he has it. This presents a challenging health issue. How do you make an autistic child eat healthy? Jacob won't eat his veggies, unless we're at the Chinese restaurant. He won't eat meat unless it is breaded. He won't eat hotdogs unless they are cooked in the toaster oven or grilled on a George Foreman grill. He does like his fruit though, and knows the names of all his favorites. Appoo (Apple) Nana (Banana) Orne (Orange) Peecees (Peaches) And, he likes pop! Sodapop for you Southerners! One thing I am happy about though, he will drink his water. At least until he sees someone else with pop. He refuses to even try milk. Not even chocolate milk. I'm not terribly worried about the whole milk issue, but I have been presented with the question of "What about his Vitamin D?" I know you can get it through fish oils, like tuna. But, he doesn't like fish! *Sigh* You see my problem? Any suggestions?